hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I want to be your penis for a week.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
