break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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