allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
