Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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