Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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