I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
