just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Randomize
