Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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