If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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