just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
