based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
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