If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
