I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
