The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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