why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize