i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
