shes about as inviting as chlamydia
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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