Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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