drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
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Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
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I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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