Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
