one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
