I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
