You made me cry and you don't even care
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
