I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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