I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
