Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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