You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
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I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
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we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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