Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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