If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
