good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
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It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
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I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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