I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
either way he was missing a nipple.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
