after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
