People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
