Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
