i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
