xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
