I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
