Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
