hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
