so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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