Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
