I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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