And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
