I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
