woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
