Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
