Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize