so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
