it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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