when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
did i walk over a car last night?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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