i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
