Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
