a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
