...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I AM VODKA MAN
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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