My nipple is on Facebook.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
