i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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