Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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