Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
how does that bad decision feel?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
