Umm I'm too high to move.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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