I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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