My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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