are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
