Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
