I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
