You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
