Do you still have your period?
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
