I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I supernannyed him into submission
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
