he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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